Beth Custer, flanked by David James and the drummer

My friend and kinda-sorta client Beth Custer is headlining a gala event November 10 at Brava Theatre in San Francisco. That’s conflict enough — disclosing that I am writing about someone whom I also list as a client (although truth be told, I have never accepted a fee for helping Beth, and have hired her for my own schemes and gigs about a dozen times). I am actually, by a strange twist of fate, also her Grandmother, which gets confusing, especially around the Ides of March, so click to something else if this disturbs your journalism ethics or your gender identity construct–and I just re-viewed “His Girl Friday” the movie version of “The Front Page” to see how far we’ve come Virginia, baby. But Beth and I made a deal — not Mephistophelean but not Muffuka Fallay either —  that I would blog about her today if she indeed, besides her masterwork on clarinet, two types of clarinets generally — I think there are four overall — she leads a different band with upcoming dates called Clarinet Thing — with Sheldon Brown, Harvey Wainapple and Ben Goldberg — that, I am certain, has four types of clarinet, in different keys — she is going to give a special nod to “Plastic Alto” the world’s most underrated — and I actually today saw a flyer for “Undarated Pit Bulls — $500 each” and am not sure yet if that is a typo, or a spoonerism regarding “under-rated” and “under radar” — or a breed — and so I am now filing this under “words” — Beth has agreed to perfom at least one note, of her 45 minutes to an hour set — did I mention above that she plays clarinet, piano, sings, obviously she writes and runs a label — ? — of music or sound or something in between, like in the continuum hypothesis — let’s call it imaginary irrational music — jazz chords — on a plastic instrument or toy — probably not on Ornette’s favorite white or cream acrylic Grafton — probably more like a melodica– so we have this log-rolling deal, like in “Sweet Smell of Success”, a tit-for-tat if you prefer, or tweet-for-twat, Joseph Pulitzer would not approve — a deal has been made, in a back room, actually I was at the old Cubberley High School campus amphitheatre on a cellular magic telephone, and Beth was in Hawaii, on an island, before that she was on an aeroplane, thanks to a dude named Bernoulli, but also she was talking also about having done a soundtrack recently for a film about a guy named Passarelli or something, but not a  Chico Marx character, a gay murdered Italian filmmaker, someone is making a documentary about him; and I also got the idea and verbal permission to use “There it Was” by Beth and her friend Octavio Solis — because of the word “lip-locked” — I want to use that as the theme music for my football-homophobia riff, a new act of my own, working title “The Harbaugh Vagina Monologue” — in which if Harbaugh punches me in the face I will shut up and donate $10,000 to charity, like a gym, for poor Utes or something, in Utah or Montana, for Cree sakes — or if he instead emulates his former mentor Rabbi Jesus Christ and turns my cheeks and plants one lip to lip — “lip-locked” — but it’s only gay, as my trainer — I am actually training for this, to be punched, to take the punch — Eugene S. Robinson says, “it’s only gay if you make eye contact.” If Harbaugh, who I mock mercilessly, a real player hater move, not at all “d and d” as they say on the waterfront, — Zizek says that to mock is one of the most aggressive things you can do — Schulberg on the other hand said, not to me personally in our too brief literally an elevator ride mutually sniffing each others low tide, at the Hanover Inn, where sometimes the water does smell like smelt – that people who can write about injustice and music must they we MUST speak out. Anyhow I will edit to add with more about Beth and her upcoming shows. We are also working on a reprise of Drone N Bone, her project with Glenn Hartman, perhaps with a suite called “Sussman Can’t Sleep” — that might or might not have Yours Tlury reading excerpts from “A Serious Man” while Beth and Glenn re-arrange Jimi Hendrix “Machine Gun” — it’s an anti-war thing. Did I mention that “1776” now means not just the year our great county was founded but now also I’ve noticed, in the New York Times news feature and agate type the number of dead soldiers we’ve lost in Afghanistan: 1,776.

We are working, beyond Beth’s show November 10 at Brava, and my thing that includes Matt Gonzalez and we hope Jack Hirschman, for “Lami@50” — the 50th anniversary of the publication of the obscure Dartmouth Beat poems of Alden Van Buskirk — December 14 I think it is at Books and Bookshelves on Sanchez — David Highsmith’s place — and I have Akira Tana playing at Smith-Anderson on Thursday, Nov. 3, 2011 at an art opening –for tattoo art. And Beth and I may do Beat Hotel Rm 32 Reads Howl at a private residence in Menlo Park — or Sacramento or both — and while here at Cubberley — I am at the library where I booked blink 182 and others years before –I was gonna hold Jan. 27 and Jan. 28 for Glenn and Beth, but meanwhile Shia Geminder added at least hypothetically to our mutual and respective workloads a possible soccer clinic with Andrew Jacobson and Mellachy — two Gunn classmates both in the MLS. Details, always the details. Mies Van Der rose and and all that. (worlds worst Gertrude Stein references, the and and all that).Words. did i mention i am also psyched on “Native American Heritage Celebration” at Foothill College, especially Friday Nov. 18 rock concert with Medicine Road — but can we also sell Pueblo Girls t-shirts, like maybe a dozen of them? What is the price break? Beth would be a good advisor to Pueblo Girls as well as for PMSTA, I meant to describe more fully. I am also hoping to advance notions/ideas/concepts with Fernanda Castelo –for a dance company –and maybe Sara Moussavian, from Gunn choir and was featured in the Weekly — she is in Brian Evans’ macroeconomics class at Foothill that I also attend; she wants to lobby for a Disabled Rights Day in Palo Alto and I want to at least introduce her to our mayor, Sid Espinosa. Also I ran into someone I had met at Peet’s on Uni Ave, Amoriah Hartley, studying to get her degree in social work, who may qualify for a public service requirement if she helps with one of these projects — I had a previous intern who used that experience in her Foothill College curriculum — and I was once a Nelson Rockefeller Center Policy Fellow to work for the Times Tribune. But enough about me; what does Beth Custer think about me?

Beth Custer Ensemble, Eda Maxym and The Imagination Club and Trio Garufa, part of Sally’s Music Series, Brava Theatre, 2781 24th Street San Francisco, Thursday, November 10, 2011. 8 p.m. Tickets, $15 advance, $20 door. Info: (415) 641-7657

edit to add: for a while my favorite scheme for one of the parallel universes would be to send radio copies of Beth Custer’s “Home” to public radio under the title “Saving Remi Benson” Benson being a young lady in Birmingham, Alabama (near where Candye Kane was pulled from a blues show for being gay) I met at the airport there while on tour with Henry Butler — Beth didn’t gig with Henry although her friend Amy Denio did, at Oakland 23, as did Etienne DeRocher at DuNord — or am I dreaming? — in 2002. Now I forget why I went back to this…..because Joe Sib just returned my call and gave me 11 minutes of spit (that means things people say) about my The Harbaugh-Vagina Monologues” and basically said keep the day job, watch the parking meters, do a few more gigs before you book studio time or release the live album. Joe Sib was an 8th grade flag football legend in South County (Santa Clara-San Jose, 408) and an early raising the alarums not about CTE but snap-ons (not strap-ons) versus velcro. But go see Beth, which means in Hebrew both house and home.